Tony Mallett (just about) avoids the Essex-girls jokes and spends some quality time in and around Maldon
Being a northern lad, I don’t know Essex very well, although I do know a few gags. OK, I have a great old mate in the Romford/Gidea Park area, so have fettled a few ‘Times’ crosswords with him in various locals, but that might as well be a London suburb to my mind.
Maldon, on the other hand, is deep into the county and can be found between Chelmsford and Colchester – and what a great little place it is, too. Not so far away is Mersea Island, but more of that later.
Your correspondent pitched up in Maldon due to the fact that another dear friend (originally from the north) now runs a thriving pub there. Any old excuse, eh? Guilty as charged…
But before I bang on about the delights of the Rose and Crown, here’s a bit of local history and ‘colour ‘…
Making a ‘Mael’ of it
Maldon – whose name comes from Mael meaning ‘meeting place’ and dun meaning ‘hill’ – was peopled by Saxons in the fifth century. The area to the south is known as the ‘Dengie’ peninsula after the Dæningas tribe. By the time of the eleventh-century Domesday Book there were 180 townsmen, yet there are about that, these days, in The Rosie on a busy Friday night…
The main part of Maldon sits on top of a hill, and the small-but-lovely, be-churched High Street is a great change from the too-busy city boulevards I’m used to in Brussels these days.
The Hythe: Ship out and visit the estuary
Even better, a ten-minute walk down the hill at the bottom of the main drag will eventually bring you to The Hythe – essentially the local port.
With two pubs, a lake, gardens, boats and more, it’s a great spot on a sunny day, whether the tide is in or out. In fact, so great is it that you might want to visit in the early morning as it gets choc-a-bloc with mums ‘n’ kids during the warmth of summer.
Here’s Mud in Your Eye
The Hythe was, once upon a time, a separate hamlet nestling under the tower of St Mary’s Church. Back in the day, Thames barges would carry food and bedding straw to London and sail back with other cargoes. There was even a boat-building yard.
Fishermen, meanwhile, ventured into the muddy estuary in search of eels, plaice, sole, whelks and winkles.
These days the area is probably best known, among discerning chefs, for its sea salt and, among the clinically insane, for its annual ‘mud race’. No, trust me, you really don’t want to know how badly that mud stinks…
Whole Lotta Rosie
Now, while this writer was staying as a guest at the Rose and Crown (better-known locally as ‘The Rosie’), the early-16th century pub has no letting rooms these days. But I’ll point you in the direction of somewhere that does take paying guests later.
Come on down: The Rose and Crown pub
What The Rosie does have, though, is a warm atmosphere, excellent live music, some of the best and friendliest bar and kitchen staff I’ve ever come across (and I’ve been around), proper grub and more-than-acceptable ale. Plus, it boasts genuinely welcoming locals who treat the turned-around pub as a hub of the community.
And what an entertaining community it is: rub shoulders (and occasional other bits) with tattooed pagans, pregnant teenage beauties, charmingly bonkers wine guzzlers, dizzy blondes, frankly mad boat dwellers, talented musicians of every type and sexual preference plus a whole host of, erm, ‘normal’ folk. It makes the term ‘eclectic’ a bit redundant, frankly.
Whose Round Is It Anyway?: Some of the 'friendly' bunch
Be My Valentine: Yes, this really IS the landlady!
So, mate of mine or not, it’s safe to say that landlady Sheena Valentine has done a brilliant job in her three years of tenure. If only they could speak with ‘proper’ accents, innit?
Anyway, there’s a beer garden to the rear, often policed (in a very docile manner, so don’t be alarmed) by two other residents – a couple of gorgeous chocolate Labradors named ‘Henry’ and ‘Scooby’. They’re playful and harmless, but they’ll certainly nick your scarves and/or shopping if you leave them lying about! You have been warned…
Ale and Hearty
A bit higher up the High Street is another pub, The Swan, which I popped into occasionally to watch the football. There’s food available here too and it always seems busy.
Even further up the road, on Silver Street, is a delightful pub/guest house called the Blue Boar. It has a gorgeous Georgian frontage and the buildings to the rear, through the coaching archway, are even better. Oh, and the real ales available are pretty fantastic too (try Puck’s Folly, for example). This is no real surprise as the excellent Farmers Brewery is located onsite.
Something Blue: The Blue Boar pub and hotel
Something Fishy Going On
Before heading to Essex, I was told by a fellow Brussels-based journalist that I must – MUST! – visit the oyster shack on Mersea Island. Having persuaded Sheena to take an afternoon off, we were driven by our delightful and accommodating friend Claire (with the assistance of sat-nav, natch) for 40-or-so minutes and reached the famous place by early lunchtime. It was already packed.
The shack’s official name is The Company Shed and it’s a brilliant ‘eatery’ – the owners won’t hear of it being called a ‘restaurant’ as its primary business is as a fishmonger’s. Basically, posh it very, very isn’t. Think formica tables, and customers sitting on benches outside, waiting to be called in from the often-bracing breeze.
Good Company: Tell your mates you've 'gone fishing'
So, this is no five-star experience. Except that it is. The exquisite seafood is second-to-none and comes almost exclusively from local fishermen who land their catches daily. You can’t get fresher than that.
There are no fancy recipes and diners bring their own bread and wine but, if you like oysters, lobster, crab, smoked salmon, prawns, local cockles and more besides, you’ll be in heaven. Believe me, that lobster will not die in vain.
By some bizarre ‘accident’, on the day of the Mersea trip, I was suffering from an Adnams-induced hangover (or maybe it was the Jack’s) and didn’t really do justice to my share of the monster, three-way seafood platter.
I See Food!: A seafood platter down the shed
But, thankfully, the girls were ravenous. Now, there’s probably an Essex-girl joke lurking here somewhere if I tried hard enough but, let’s just say, they were up for it, big time.
It must be all that sea air…
The Rose and Crown
109 High Street, Maldon, Essex.
Tel: 01621 856767
www.roseandcrownmaldon.co.uk
The Blue Boar
Silver Street, Maldon, Essex.
Tel: 01621 856202
www.blueboarmaldon.co.uk
Farmers Brewery
The Stable Brewery, The Blue Boar Stable Yard, Silver Street,
Maldon, Essex
Tel; 01621 851000
www.maldonbrewing.co.uk
The Company Shack
129 Coast Road, West Mersea, Essex.
Tel 01206 382700
The nearest railway station to Maldon is Hatfield Peverel, reachable from
London’s Liverpool Street station. Trains are frequent in both directions
am i the pregnant teenage beauty?!?! x